Monday, February 25, 2008

Subjectivity

So, today was a double show day for "La Cage Aux Folles". This afternoon for our matinee performance, we easily had the best house we've had the entire run. They were loud and enthusiastic, gave us great energy, it was a huge house and the entire audience gave us a standing ovation. That's a great feeling when you work as hard as we do to really give it our all every single show. Then, on the flip side, we easily had our worst audience response with our evening performance. Had it not been for one group of 8 giving us all the energy they had, it would have been like performing to an empty theatre. Even at the end as I looked out into the audience, all I saw was apathy.

The point of this post is that it just got me to thinking ... we gave them the same show, yet the response was diametrically opposed. As I sat at the bar watching the Oscars later on, I began to think upon just how truly subjective any kind of artform truly is.

I've often thought one of the biggest obstacles I've had with my music is just finding the right audience. It's easy, especially as a solo act I think, to get deterred and frustrated when you constantly run into apathy and dislike for your material ... it makes the connections you make and the people you touch with your art all the more meaningful. I listened to "Deviant" on the way home and I'm still, 4 years later, really and truly proud of that project. It remains my favorite of the 3 albums that I've produced thus far. I can't understand why more people didn't embrace it. Then I thought about our double show day today and realized it just hasn't found its audience yet. I know they're out there, and I also know I haven't done all I could to find and connect with them yet. I don't really know how to go about it, obviously, or else I would have done it already. I just know that I shouldn't get down on myself or let my insecurities or negative thoughts about my abilites or my art start to infect my desire and my heart. As an artist I think we have the responsibility to keep giving it out to the universe, if we have a gift it was put there for a reason. I know that I've already touched a few ... and in time I know that it will touch more. I reflect on all the artists and the music that has had such a profound impact on me and wonder if they've ever had the same feelings about their material.

Anyhoo, I'm a little tipsy and it's probably not the best time to be blogging, but oh well. I'm in the middle of recording my 4th album and I just hope that with this project I'm finally able to find the audience that has an ear hungry for music like mine. I've got hundreds upon hundreds of unrecorded songs I've written, damn, it can't all have been for nothing!

The right audience is out there. I'll keep trucking along til they're all in the front row and I'm taking my bow, my heart saying "thank you so much for making this journey worth it!" Thanks to the chick of the pair who won for best original song on the Oscars tonight ... don't know who she was, but her speech was wonderful and inspiring and just what I needed to hear at this particular moment.